


"A Hollow Shell"

by Kcolrehssemloh



Category: Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom, British Actor RPF
Genre: DaddyBatch, Emotional, Gen, Miscarriage, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 16:29:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1476403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kcolrehssemloh/pseuds/Kcolrehssemloh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben and I received great news but everything went so so wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"A Hollow Shell"

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: may make some readers very emotional and this is just a fair warning for you.

MAY CAUSE SERIOUS CRYING, trigger warning. I'm sorry if I've over looked mistakes, I caught myself switching from "I" to "you" so it may be some in there somewhere. 

I had an idea for a prompt. Ben and his wife finds out she is pregnant, but she ends up losing the baby, and she gets depressed because she thinks ben hates her for it, but he doesnt, and finds a way to prove to her that she still his number one, and they can always try again.  
_________________________________

Laying in bed early one morning thoughts swirl in my head. Everything that has been happening to me the last few days are finally catching up to me...the late period, feeling off and not quite right, the most embarrassing thing of all has been the extra burping, much to my horror. Could I be pregnant? Ben and I have been trying for a few months now, could it finally have happened? 

"Morning love" a groggy voice snaps me out of my panicked state and I jump just a little. "I'm sorry, did I startle you?" Ben asks as he wraps his long arm around my waist. 

"Just a little. Good morning babe." I smile and turn from my back onto my side to face him.

"What are you thinking about so much this early in the morning?" Ben speaks softly as he flicks his eyes over my face to study me. 

"Oh, nothing." I can't look to him, I advert my gaze to his shoulder and brush an invisible piece of dust off of him. From the corner of my eye I can see him narrow his eyes in concentration. 

"You're thinking of something...tell me." His hand gently turns my face back to him. 

"It's nothing Ben. Just thinking about how happy I am is all." I fake a smile and pull away to get out of bed. 

"(Y/N)?" He calls after me. 

"I've got to get ready for work dear sorry." I closed the bathroom door and turned the shower on getting in shortly after. I hear the bathroom door open and then close again and can see Ben through the glass shower wall. He comes in to join behind me. 

"Mind if I join? I have to get to work soon. Figured I'd save time and water by showering with you." Ben kissed the side of my neck and I pull away slightly, I don't feel like this today. I can't concentrate on it right now. 

"I'm sorry, no time this morning for any play." I continue to wash while Ben huffs and starts to wash himself. I can tell he's angry or upset at me bit I don't want to share my concerns until I know what's causing them. "Ben..." I sigh. 

"Hmm?" He hums and I can hear he is annoyed. 

"Please don't be mad, I have a lot going on and I can't have you mad at me right now." I turned to wash his chest, his brilliant eyes stared down at me intensely. 

"I'm not mad honey, but I wish you would share what is on your mind." He cups the side of my face gently. 

"Just thinking of the busy busy day I have ahead of me is all. I really hate to break this up but I do have to leave soon if I ever hope to make it downtown on time." I break the couple shower up and get out, grab my towel and dry my hair with the blow dryer. Ben gets out shortly after and kisses me gently before heading to the bedroom to get dressed. I apply my make up and then head to my closet and slip into a black professional dress with a little sleeve and a knee length hem. It's remarkably plain but it's one of my favorite office dresses. 

"I love you babe. I have to go, no time for breakfast this morning." I kiss Ben quickly and grab my purse and briefcase then rush downstairs, slip my heels on and I'm out the door before Ben can question my rush. 

I hop the overground from the Hampstead stop just down the street from the house and take it to jubilee station then the underground to my office stop by Westminster and walk the few blocks to my office building. I'm dazed all day with thoughts and I have a hard time concentrating on anything, I find myself zoned out quite a lot. 

"(Y/N)? Everything okay?" My boss Harold finds me zoned out, staring at the cubical wall. 

"Hmm? Oh. So sorry Harold. Um yes everything's fine, won't happen again." I snap out of it and get back to work.

"You look pretty distracted today. Why don't you take the rest of the day off, it's fine." Harold says. 

"Really? Are you sure?" I look up to him questionably. 

"Absolutely (Y/N) it's fine." 

"Oh thank you so much Harold, I'll be back tomorrow and I won't be so distracted. Thank you thank you thank you." I shut my laptop down and grab my briefcase and purse before rushing out of the office around three o'clock. My next stop is a drugstore down the road from here to pick up a pregnancy test and head back to our place. 

The commute couldn't have been longer for me, the ride seemed to take forever and once finally back in Hampstead I rushed home and threw my stuff down before running to the bathroom and taking the test. 

The next few minutes proved even longer than my commute, pure torture as I watched the seconds tick on the timer.   
"Bloody hell..." I groan as I wait. Three minutes later the timer buzzes off much to my relief, but now to will myself to stand and look at the test that I had placed on the sink. 

"One...two...three." I opened my eyes to see it read "positive". I don't think I believed it so I took the remaining two test in the box and waited three minutes more while I clutched the first test in my hands.   
They too read "positive". I grabbed them all and fell to my knees in happy tears. 

I clutched them all in my hands still and got up to head back downstairs. My thoughts swirled even more as I zoned out into them when I sat on the couch. It was four thirty now and Ben should be home soon. 

"Darling?" Is the next think I remember, it was Ben. He came to stand I front of me and shook my shoulders to snap me back out of my trance. "What's that you're holding?" Ben takes my hands and raises them to take a closer look. I tear up again as I open my fist and reveal the positive test to him. 

"Really?" Ben looks stunned. I nod as tears fall down my cheeks and Ben sits beside me in on the couch and pulls me close. 

"I love you so much." He chokes out. 

"I love you Ben."   
*****************  
Those first few weeks had been a whirlwind for Ben and I, we were so excited. I watched what I ate and what I did, Ben did anything for me and told me what was good and bad for the baby and treated me like I was a priceless antique in an art museum. It was adorable actually to see him fret over me even though it got very annoying after awhile. I was 10 weeks along now, morning sickness and the usual first trimester symptoms had been very heavy and I had to miss a few days of work because of it, Ben was understanding and so was my boss Harold so I rested at home on the couch for three days while making the frequent trips to the loo. Today was different though...I felt different, something felt wrong. Ben was gone for the week in Cardiff for meetings and filming at the studios for some new project. I wish he was here with me though, I need him here with me now. 

"No...no no no." I had started bleeding, not spotting but bleeding.   
"Oh god...please no." I panicked and called my doctors office right away. 

"Doctor Peterson's office how may I help you?" The front desk receptionist Julia answered the phone. 

"Julia it's Mrs. Cumberbatch, I need to see the doctor right away. I've started bleeding and I'm ten weeks pregnant." I started to cry as I spoke. 

"Get here right away (Y/N) we will get you into see him as soon as you arrive."   
The doctor was at Royal Free which was just down the street and so I hopped in my car and rushed there. I would have ran but I didn't want to harm the baby anymore. I arrived in the deck in two minutes flat thanks to light traffic and parked then rushed inside to the office just inside the hospital doors. 

"I just called about bleeding at ten weeks." I had tears running down my cheeks as I arrived at the desk. 

"Come with me right away Mrs. Cumberbatch." Julia got up quickly and escorted me back to an exam room. The doctor followed just behind and did all the routine test and checks including blood work. I was there for forty minutes before the doctor came back into the room with an awful look on her face. 

"Please...just tell me." I begged her. 

"I...I'm...so sorry (Y/N). You've miscarried." My heart sank as she gave me the news. I was no long just in tears, I was weeping now, I was devastated. The doctor tried to comfort me but it was of no use, I was an emotional wreck. 

"Is there anyone we can call to come get you?" The doctor asked and I shook my head. The only one I wanted to get me was hours away in Cardiff. I collected myself enough to walk again and somehow my two feet carried me back to my car and I sat inside to weep again. I had to call Ben, but how was I going to tell him something like this over the phone. 

"Ben?" I cried into the phone as he picked up. 

"(Y/N) what's wrong? Calm down and tell me what's wrong." Ben begged as I sobbed uncontrollably. I couldn't speak, only sob harder.   
"Please tell me darling, I need to know." He pressed. 

"I...god Ben..." I couldn't say anymore than a few words between sobs. 

"What? Please tell me love. Where are you?" 

"Come...home. Please, Ben just come home." 

"I'm going now to the train station. Where are you? Are you at home?" 

"I'm. At. The. Hospital." I breathed. 

"Emergency room? In the doctors? Where?" Ben spoke fast.

"I'm in the car." 

"Stay there, I'm calling someone to come get you. You're in no state to drive." 

"It's only around the corner Ben." I cried and sniffled trying to prepare myself. 

"No! I don't want you driving anywhere. I will call someone to come drive you home." 

"I'm going Ben, I don't want anyone picking me up here not while I'm an utter mess." I start the car and switch the in car speaker on for the phone. 

"Honey, do not pull out of that garage..." Ben gave me a stern warning. 

"I'm going, I'll be fine. Stay on the line if you want but I'm pulling out now." I had finally calmed myself to just sniffles and occasional tears. 

"I'll stay on the line with you. I'm still sending someone over to keep an eye on you though once you're home. What happened love?" Ben sounded calmer now that I had stopped my tears. 

"Not now Ben. I can't talk about it right now or I'll lose it again." I cried harder once again. 

"Okay okay, concentrate on the road and stay calm. I'm in a taxi to the train station now." 

"I'm sorry." Now sobbing again but thankfully I was pulling into our private road in the neighborhood, nearing home.

"Shhh...not now darling. Are you home yet?" 

"Pulling in the drive now." I whimpered, a blubbering mess. "I'm here, I'm going inside. I don't need anyone to check on me...bye." I hung up before he could ask anything else. I let the waterworks flow again as soon as I entered the front door and kicked my shoes off. I flopped down on the sofa and wept into my arms.

Some minutes later I heard a knock at the door but didn't get up to answer it. The visitor knocked again and again not taking the hint. It was then my phone started to ring...Tom Hiddleston...the screen displayed. I didn't answer, I hit ignore and went back to my pity party. 

"(Y/N)! I know you're home, please let me in. Benedict called me to check on you. I need you to open the door." You could hear him as he leaned against the front door. "(Y/N), I'll call Benedict! I need you to open this door now. Respond to me or I'll call the police." 

"For GODS sake Tom." I groaned and got up to answer the door. 

"(Y/N), Benedict called me and told me you were upset. I was getting ready to head out to the office and told him I'd stop by." I tried to close the door on him but he caught it and let himself in as I wept again. He's like a brother to Ben and I so he treats me like one of his sisters. He held my arms and pulled me to his chest. 

"What happened? What has you so upset?" He let me cry all over his black dress shirt till it was soaking wet. I just shook my head, I couldn't tell him before I tell Ben. 

"I can't say." You managed to cry out. 

"It's okay...I'll just stay with you while we wait for Ben." Tom ushered me back towards the living room to sit on the sofa. Tom sat me down on the sofa then took a spot on the love seat. I could tell he was uncomfortable about the situation but I was happy he was there right now. It was awkward silence while we sat around and I continued to cry. 

"How about a cup of tea?" Tom asked quietly.

"No. Help yourself though." I shook my head and later down on the sofa to cry more. I could hear Tom get up to get some tea or something to drink in the kitchen. I drifted off to sleep. 

When I woke up again the room was dark and I could hear voices, one was Tom and one was...Ben. He finally made it home. The crying from earlier made me feel like shit but I stood up and made my way to the kitchen where the lights were on. 

"(Y/N)." Ben stood up and came to hug you tightly. 

"Okay, I'm heading off to give you two some privacy. Call me if either of you need anything at all." Tom stood and headed spoke to Ben. 

"Thank you for coming over Tom." Ben nodded and Tom let himself out, the door clicking shut behind him. 

"Are you ready to talk?" Ben pulled back from the hug and looked down into my eyes which started to tear up again. "What happened? Why were you at the hospital?" 

"The...baby..." I cried into Ben's chest, gripping his shirt tightly in my fists. 

"What about the baby honey?" Ben sounded deeply concerned. 

"I lost it..." My knees grew week and I collapsed slowly to the floor while Ben softened the fall with his strong arms. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." I wailed. Ben was speechless, he just cried too and kelt beside me.   
*********  
The next few days were horrible, I got so depressed that I stayed in bed for two days. I was out of tears, I couldn't cry anymore. Ben stayed at home with me and we both just stayed in relative silence. The third day came after a awful sleepless night. Ben got out of bed with a small peck on my cheek and then he headed downstairs. He returned later after some breakfast and came in the room with some tea and toast for me. I had eaten very little since getting in bed, the majority of the time I stayed in a trance like state of silence in my head. My soul screamed and cried but my body and emotions did not respond, I was a shell holding back a flood of sadness and anger. 

"Darling, you need to eat." Ben sat the tea and toast on the bedside table and knelt beside me to stroke my mess hair. I cut my eyes to him and stared into his beautiful eyes, each a distant galaxy that shown with stars and cosmic matter. He furrowed his eyebrows and frowned.

"What for?" I sighed and looked back straight ahead, back into the hell that carried on in my head. 

"You have to eat so you can be strong and healthy." Ben rubbed my arm over the covers. 

"Why bother? You'll be better off without me." I said dryly, showing no emotion. 

"Never say that. You're my everything. If I lost you I would have nothing, you mean the world to me honey." Ben took my hands and held them tight in his strong grip. 

"Aren't you mad? How can you stand to look at me?" I was angry now, emotions were boiling up. 

"I'm not mad. Seeing you like this is killing me (Y/N), I can't stand to watch you like this." His eyes grew red with tears. 

"I lost your child...I lost the ONE thing that would make you complete!" I screamed now. "I failed you! I failed our baby. How could you possibly stand to even look at me now? How Ben?" I cried while trying to scream these ugly thoughts out of my head but all Ben did was climb in bed on the little edge of space and pushed me over to lay with me, he pulled me to his chest and let me scream and cry and kick. Soon I had lost all energy and now just sobbed into his chest as his tears made our pillow wet and placed a kiss on the top of my head. We held each other close until we cried no more. 

"You couldn't help it dear, it wasn't your fault. You make me so happy (Y/N). We can try again once you are better and healed. A baby isn't everything in my life right now, if we have to wait a few months or years until we get one then so be it but I will not dwell on it right now. If it happens it happens and if anything proves to go wrong again they're other options darling. Our baby meant just as much to you as it did to me sweetheart, but we have each other and we will get through this, together. We need time to heal and mend holes in our spirits but someday it will happen darling and for now..." Ben started to choke up again "for now know that our baby is safe and happy, healthy and free somewhere else." Ben cried and rubbed the back of my head and neck. 

He was right, we'll get through this as a team. It still doesn't make it any easier though.


End file.
